


in which david bowie is an enabler

by dizzyondreams



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, eren is incredibly virginial, jean's a gross art student
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 21:39:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzyondreams/pseuds/dizzyondreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren has had a crush on Connie's weird, basement dwelling art student brother Jean for so long. So long. Only, Eren's seventeen and chunky, and Jean wears sunglasses indoors and smokes clove cigarettes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in which david bowie is an enabler

Eren had barely logged on to his computer before Connie was messaging him.

_connie: star wars marathon 6.00 sharp jean’s got enough alcohol to kill a horse_

Eren sighed and leaned back in his computer chair, hearing it creak loudly as he contemplated the hairline cracks in his bedroom ceiling. He rolled his head to the side, locking eyes with his huge poster of David Bowie.

“Should I go?” he asked. If anyone was a solid judge of a good time, if was David Bowie.

The poster stared back, silent. Eren snorted in disgust and snapped himself into an upright position. Connie had messaged him twice in the ten seconds it had taken for Eren to consult with Bowie.

_connie: please come if you don’t I’ll be lonely_  
 _connie: jean will pass out and I’ll have no one to admire princess leia with_

Eren really didn’t want to flake out on Connie, he really didn’t. Connie was his one and only friend in the horror that was being a teenager, and a reliable supplier of smokes, alcohol and weed. But the one factor that was making Eren pause over his keyboard was Connie’s brother.

Eren had seen him a grand total of three times in the two years of knowing Connie, and from what Eren had been able to gather from these sightings was this: Jean lived in the basement and probably considered it a sin to emerge from the depths for anything less than coffee or cigarettes. Cleaning the paint off his skin was even lower on his list of important things to do than getting dressed and dumping out the hordes of ash trays littered around the house. He was also probably even nerdier than Connie, if that was possible, which was cool because he owned every comic book ever written and could complete a video game in a day. Only, he was mildly obsessive about it and Eren had heard that Jean jerked off to Wonder Woman comics. This may have been a cruel rumour spread by Connie, or it might not have been. The uncertainty nagged at Eren.

He was also undeniably, unrepentantly, hot.

His hotness was a subtle hotness, buried beneath baggy, paint-splattered t-shirts, purple eye bags and permanent five o’clock shadow. But it was there. He was totally toned under those gross t-shirts, and had arms which made Eren sweat. His jaw was to die for. Jean was the strange object of Eren’s teenage desires, and because of that Eren tried to avoid him at all costs.

Eren groaned at his computer screen as line after line of question marks popped up. Connie was an insistent bastard, and a childish one at that.

_jaegerbomb: I couldn’t leave you to appreciate princess leia on your own man I’m in_  
 _jaegerbomb: but don’t leave me alone with your creepy brother ok I think there’s a serious cult issue going on down there_

Eren signed off before Connie could begin to discuss cults with him, or something equally stupid and inane. He surveyed Bowie again, gritting his teeth.

“I’ll probably make a huge idiot out of myself in front of Connie’s hot brother because of you.” he accused. Bowie didn’t reply, his paper lips twisted into a grimace. “Sweet Jesus, you’re unhelpful. Probably won’t even see him, right?”

Nonetheless after changing out of his school uniform, he took about forty minutes trying to decide on an outfit that would make him look hot. It wasn’t that he was chunky or anything - pure muscle he’d tell Mikasa - but Connie was small like a girl and due to living off cigarette smoke and the smell of paint, Jean wasn’t exactly filling out any of his clothes either. Maybe he should try going to the gym with Mikasa a bit more.

Eren made a face at himself in the mirror before grabbing his keys off his desk and shouting to his mother that he was going out.

\---------

It was a mile to Connie’s house and by the time he got there he was still early. He let himself in, because it was goddamn freezing outside and it usually took an average time of seven minutes before anyone got off their lazy asses to open the front door.

Connie and Jean lived with their mother, who was normally holed up in the living room watching her soap operas, and nobody was going to interrupt _that_ , and Connie and Jean were just plain lazy. They would try and out lazy each other. At the start of his and Connie’s friendship, when Eren was too polite to just barge in, he could be on the doorstep for up to half an hour, waiting for either Connie or Jean to crack and open the door.

He tried Connie’s room first, and when that proved to be empty he headed into the basement with a sinking stomach. He’d never been to Jean’s room alone before, and he wasn’t sure if he was entirely ready yet.

He stood at the top of the stairs and bounced on the balls of his feet nervously.

Jean was one of those unattainable people that Eren always crushed on. When he was fifteen, it was his History teacher, Levi. He had an undercut and slim hands and a voice that made Eren want to learn about Hamlet, whoever the fuck that was.

Then he met Connie, and through Connie, met Jean (if you could call rare glimpses ‘meeting’ somebody). Jean was one of those people who could have easily become supremely popular because of his looks. Except he was just a weird art geek who never spoke to anyone and wore sunglasses inside (which was kinda douchey but douchey worked on Jean) and was probably a vegan or a Satanist or something just as interesting. Except he got laid. _A lot_ , if Connie was to be believed. Jean had this completely unattainable air about him that made him come off as so aloof that girls literally had to climb over each other to get at him. Sure, his personal hygiene was questionable, he smoked like a chimney and had weird habits and a strange undercut thing going on, but he got more girls than Eren and Connie combined. 

Eren bobbed awkwardly on the stairs for a minute before telling himself to suck it up, go down there and knock.

This turned out to be not such a great plan as not Connie, but Jean opened the door, looking at Eren through a haze of cigarette smoke.

Eren actually took a step back, then told himself to be cool about it and tried to lean casually against the wall, though the probably just looked like a plank of wood propped up. “Oh hey, Jean.” He forced out, trying to sound unfazed by the sudden appearance of the enigma that was Jean Kirschtein, but only sounding stupid as his voice slipped. Jean laughed attractively, way too attractively for someone whose room resembled an actual black pit, and stepped away from the doorway, gesturing for Eren to come in.

Eren stepped into the room, mentally cataloguing the unmade bed, the dirty clothes on the floor, the books in waist high stacks, the movie posters plastering the walls, countless ashtrays, coffee mugs and cans of beer. Most importantly, however, was the complete and utter absence of a certain short friend.

“Where’s Connie?” He asked nervously. Jean, who was sloping back to his bed, cigarette clamped firmly between his lips, shrugged.

“Out with Sasha.” He mumbled through his cigarette.

Eren took a quiet moment to seethe at Connie for ditching him for his girlfriend, before horror washed over him as he realised the situation.

Jean was sitting on his bed, his back to the wall, a cigarette in one hand and the remote for the TV in the other. He was looking at Eren expectantly. Eren took this as his invitation to leave.

“Oh, well, okay then. I’ll be, uh, going I guess.” He spat out quickly before tripping over himself to get to the door. Jean made a hurt noise behind him.

“You’re gonna leave me to watch Star Wars on my own?” Jean asked in a joking tone, and when Eren turned around, he was pouting.

Eren felt his mouth opening and closing and eventually managed to blurt out, “You don’t mind?” and felt like an absolute idiot afterwards.

Jean patted the space on the bed next to him, “Nah, you seem cool.”

Eren vaguely wondered how a level of someone’s coolness could be ascertained from three very short meetings where no words were exchanged, but hey, he wasn’t complaining. Jean had just called him cool. Sure, Jean wasn’t cool. He was uncool, but so uncool that he was cool. It was one of those high school idiocies.

He wore loads of black and smoked French cigarettes and liked horror films and he was nineteen and he thought Eren was cool.

It took a lot of willpower for Eren to just shrug and join Jean on the bed. He was sitting on a bed next to the guy he’d had an entirely ridiculous crush on for a year. Eren’s palms were definitely getting sweaty.

Jean didn’t say much, Eren realised. He just handed Eren a beer, lit up another cigarette and hit play on the remote. Eren calmly sipped at his beer, his eyes fixed firmly on the credits rolling on the screen.

They were maybe an hour into the film before Jean broke the silence. “So how do you know Connie?” He asked, making Eren jump and slosh beer his front, swearing.

“Sorry, sorry.” He said quickly, placing his can a safe distance away from him on a teetering stack of CDs. Jean had got up and was picking through his shirts on the floor. He tossed one at Eren, who felt his face go hot. No way was he revealing his chunkiness in front of Jean.

“I’ll turn around if you want.” Jean said diplomatically. Eren almost choked in embarrassment, and began to stutter out an answer to Jean’s earlier question to take his attention away from the whole t-shirt debacle.

“I, uh-” He started, but realised he was speaking to Jean’s back. With a huff he pulled his wet t-shirt over his head and pulled on Jean’s. It was big and washed thin, smelling of cigarettes and under that a hint of sweat. Eren didn’t know whether to be grossed out or turned on. Jean came and sat next to Eren again, his arm brushing Eren’s. Eren tried to block out the dark closeness of the room and the smell of Jean’s shirt. Definitely turned on.

“I know Connie from parties and stuff.” He said. Jean ‘hmm’ed and when Eren glanced at him, Jean was looking at him closely, the side of his face lit by the television screen.

“You don’t go to school with him?” He asked in a low voice. Eren felt like there was less air in the room.

“Um, no. I go to a Catholic school.” He said, then rolled his eyes to show his complete and utter contempt for Catholicism, then hoped God was looking away when he did that. It wasn’t so much faith, but an almost superstitious fear drilled into him by the nuns.

“Oh.” The atmosphere in the air immediately deflated, and Jean turned his attention back to the TV, a small smile on his face. “So you’re like sixteen.”

“I’m seventeen.” Eren said shortly, hoping Jean wasn’t going to turn out to be a total asshole at this very important part of Eren’s pretend relationship with him. 

“Catholic school, shit.” Jean said, laughing a bit. “You have a uniform and stuff, right?”

“The full works.” Eren said bitterly, shuddering a little at the mental image of Jean seeing him in his fucking blazer and tie.

“Wow, okay.” Jean said, doing that attractive laugh again. He leant across Eren to tap his cigarette into the ash tray on Eren’s left. Eren stiffened, feeling the warmth of Jean pressed against his right side, Jean’s face just inches from his own. He smelt like the shirt Eren was wearing, and this time Eren definitely decided to be turned on by it. Which sucked. If only Connie hadn’t fucking flaked out on him to go bone his girlfriend. He wouldn’t be in this awkwardly arousing position now and he certainly wouldn’t be catching Jean Kirschtein staring at his lips, his face so close to Eren’s that he could see where a bit of green paint had stained Jean’s cheek.

“I bet you’ve never kissed a girl.”Jean announced, effectively blowing smoke in Eren’s face as he spoke. Eren wiggled backwards in an attempt to get some space between them. He was part confused, part turned on, and very uncomfortable.

“Have.” Eren retorted. It was technically true. Actually, it was Connie’s girlfriend, Sasha Blaus. She’d kissed him at a school dance when he was fourteen and hadn’t quite figured out that boys were way cuter than girls. It had lasted about .5 of a second and she’d told all of her friends he’d tried to cop a feel, which mean that Eren was ostracised for a better part of a month. “I’ve kissed loads of girls.”

“Okay, stud.” Jean said in a teasing tone, raising his eyebrows. Eren felt himself flush. “I bet you’ve never kissed a guy.”

His best friend Armin Arlet, a year ago. A drunken kiss that felt like kissing his brother or something. So weird. Eren was a bit shell-shocked afterwards and had to go cuddle with Mikasa to feel better.

“I’ve kissed guys.” He choked out, tilting his chin up challengingly. Jean smirked and moved away from Eren’s face, something which made Eren feel very relieved, but kind of disappointed. Some denial driven part of his mind was sure that Jean was going to kiss him then, despite his coolness, despite his two years he had on Eren and the amounts of girls, and guys, that he’d had.

They watched the rest of the film in silence, broken only by the occasional ‘that’s so awesome’ or ‘holy shit that’s rad’. Eren just bit the inside of his cheek and tried to ignore the awkwardness. When the end credits finally came on Eren was ready to make a run for it but Jean rattled the box for ‘An Empire Strikes Back’ and grinned.

“Staying?” He asked, eyebrows raised. “Don’t do a Connie on me.”

“As long as I can smoke.” Eren said, eyes firmly on Jean’s packet of smokes. Jean laughed, and reached for them. He tapped one out and held it out for Eren to take. He glanced around for a lighter, cigarette dangling between his lips, but looking up as he heard the soft _snick_ of a lighter. Jean was holding it out, a small smile on his lips. Eren tired to remind himself that Jean was a huge nerdy weirdo, but his brain shut down a little as Jean leant forward and lit Eren’s cigarette. His eyes were dark and trained on Eren’s mouth.

“Smoking’s such a dirty habit.” He muttered, tossing the lighter on the bed next to him. He moved away after a second to slot the DVD in the player. When he came back, Eren was still staring at him, mouth slightly open, cigarette stuck to his lips. He peeled it away and very carefully set it in the ashtray next to him. “What?” Jean asked, smiling.

“I’m a terrible kisser.” He blurted out, then looked at Jean in horror. That wasn’t meant to have come out. Oh God. Now Jean was going to laugh at him and tell Connie and Connie would text it to everyone he knew and Eren would soon be the laughing stock of the whole country. He wanted the ground to swallow him whole. “I mean, oh my God.” 

Jean was smirking, but he wasn’t laughing. Eren didn’t know which he’d rather.

“Kissing’s easy.” Jean murmured, moving closer to Eren, who watched him with wide eyes, face burning. “I’ll show you?”

There was a question in his voice. Now was the time for Eren to ask him to stop. Just because Jean had some weird thing for Catholic school boys or something, did not mean he could take Eren under his metaphorical wing and teach him the ways of kissing.

Then again, Eren totally wanted some lip action from Jean and had been wanting to for a while now because Jean was totally hot and probably really lean and toned under all those big hoodies.

Eren just went totally still and didn’t say anything. He corpsed out on Jean and it didn’t even faze him. Jean actually seemed to take it as confirmation and scooted closer to Eren on his gross unmade bed.

“I am the master of kissing.” Jean said earnestly, and this was honestly the most interest Jean had paid him all night. Eren nodded minutely. Jean grinned and reached to cup Eren’s jaw, to pull him closer, and to tilt his head up. 

They were in an awkward position, Eren with his legs crossed, Jean sprawled out by his side. Eren’s heart was beating distressingly fast, and when Jean’s lips touched his neck he let out a little gasp, and instantly embarrassed by it. Jean’s fingers were long and steady on his jaw, fingertips just pressing in slightly to the soft flesh. His lips travelled up the column of Eren’s throat, and when he flicked his tongue over Eren’s adams apple, it took all of Eren’s control to not make a noise. Whether it was the intimate darkness of the room, lit only by the title screen of the Empire Strikes Back, or the fact that he’d been fantasising about this for months, but Eren was so hard it felt like his jeans were two sizes too small, strangling his dick.

“Jean.” He forced out, voice catching as Jean grazed his teeth along Eren’s jaw. Jean made an inquisitive noise against Eren’s skin. “Connie-”

“You know Connie won’t be home for a while.” Jean said, his words muffled. “And besides, he’s caught me in far more compromising situations as this.”

Eren almost choked on his own spit. “Okay, kiss me.”

Jean made a pleased noise and pressed his lips against Eren’s.

Eren was pretty sure he blacked out or something. His heart was beating way too fast and there was a ringing in his ears. He made a strange gasping noise against Jean’s lips, which Jean obviously liked because he grabbed Eren by the hair and pulled him even closer. Eren knotted his own hands in Jean’s hair, fingers skating over the short strands of his undercut. _He was kissing Jean Kirschtein._ When Jean swiped his tongue along Eren’s bottom lip, Eren moaned, unable to help himself, against Jean’s open mouth.

They had completely shifted positions now, due to all the hair pulling and general flinging themselves around they were doing. Eren was half on top of Jean, his dick hard on Jean’s thigh. He shifted slightly, and was pleased and shocked to discover that Jean was hard as well.

He was a total loss of what to do at this point, and when they pulled away from each other for air, he told Jean this.

“I’m at a loss of what to do at this point.” He said, voice wrecked. His lips felt swollen, and judging by the way Jean was staring, they probably were.

“I have yet to add a Catholic boy to my blowjob conquests.” Jean said, and Eren was jealous of how even his voice was. Then his words caught up with him. Eren gaped at Jean dumbly, not sure of what to say. Jean propped himself up on his elbows, unconsciously pushing his thigh against Eren’s hard on, which made him moan and go for Jean’s mouth again. Jean kissed him for a few seconds, his tongue flicking expertly against Eren’s. Eren couldn’t understand how a guy who spent so much time in his room alone could be so good at kissing. When he pulled away, Jean was grinning. “I’m serious, let me blow you.”

It was obvious that Eren was going to have to make a decision. The answer seemed clear now, in this warm dark room, sprawled on top of this hot guy with eager lips, but did Eren really want Jean to suck his dick?

“Um, why?” Eren asked. “Like, seriously, I’m seventeen and kinda fat?”

Jean snorted and bared his teeth at Eren, his face lit on one side by the title screen of Star Wars. “Nah, you’re totally hot I’ve wanted to uh, get to know you for a while.” Jean did his dumb laugh right in Eren’s face. His breath smelt of cigarettes. “Now can I blow you?” He asked, tipping his head up to kiss Eren.

“Um, yeah. Okay. Yeah, okay.” He mumbled into Jean’s lips, feeling them part into a smile.

“Awesome.” He said brightly, struggling out from underneath Eren, and pulling him into a sitting position in one smooth motion. It was obviously a practiced move, and Eren briefly wondered how many other people had sat in this same position, watching Jean stand up and turn the TV off, leaving the room in darkness. A lamp as turned on at the other side of the room, and Jean came back to kneel next to the bed. He kissed Eren’s jean clad knee.

Eren was so nervous he thought he was going to puke as Jean popped the button on his jeans and tugged his zipper down. He made an embarrassing noise and Jean snorted. “I haven’t even started yet.” He muttered, but Eren barely heard him over the fact that Jean’s hand was on his _cock_. 

This definitely wasn’t what he had been expecting when he’d left his house earlier that evening, Eren thought blindly as Jean’s lips closed over the head of his cock.

The noise Eren made was embarrassing, and this must just be the night of embarrassing noises or something, because Eren cannot catch a fucking break. Jean’s mouth was hot and wet and teasing, sucking lightly at the tip of Eren’s cock, and Eren had never been harder in his stupid life.

He whined as Jean took his mouth away to press hot, open kisses to the shaft of his cock, and clenched his fists in the sheets. Jean broke away from mouthing at his cock to shoot him a mocking grin. “Feel free to put your hands in my hair.” He said teasingly, before dropping his mouth to Eren’s cock again, still teasing him with the tip of his tongue.

Eren’s fingers twitched spasmodically in the sheets, staring down at the head of ash blonde hair in his lap. When Jean took him into his mouth properly, pressing the flat of his tongue against the head of Eren’s cock, Eren jerked his hands to twist in Jean’s hair. He moaned, one hand pressing against his mouth, the other clenched tight around the long strands at the top of Jean’s head. Jean hummed around his cock, pleased, sending vibrations up his length that made Eren tip his head back and pant into his palm. “ _Jean_.” He moaned breathlessly as the other boy curled his hand around the base of Eren’s cock and began to stoke him in time with his mouth.

Jean broke away momentarily to suck at the underside of Eren’s cock, watching amusedly through his eyelashes as Eren squirmed and moaned above him. “You can pull my hair if you want.” Jean said softly, the puffs of air escaping his mouth cold against the oversensitive skin of Eren’s cock. It took a few seconds for the synapses in Eren’s brain to reconnect, but when he got the message he gaped down at Jean, who was tonguing at the vein on the underside of his cock and smirking. Experimentally, Eren twisted his fingers in Jean’s hair and tugged. Jean let out a breathy moan and tilted his head into Eren’s hand, his hand going slack around the base of Eren’s cock, which twitched at the expression on Jean’s face.

“Fuck.” Eren murmured brokenly, pulling of Jean’s hair again and feeling a hot rush of arousal pool in his stomach as Jean moaned, his mouth dropping open. “Fuck, Jean.” This was going into territory that was a lot less vanilla than Eren had set himself up for. Silently, he cursed his Catholic friends and their softcore porn. Unsure whether he was being too presumptuous, Eren tugged Jean’s face back to his cock, which was almost painfully hard now. But Jean just whined and took his cock into his mouth with no hesitation, his tongue and his hand moving harder and faster than before. Eren leant back on the hand not locked in Jean’s hair, not trusting himself to stay upright on his own. 

Jean’s tongue was flat and hot on Eren’s cock, and he took him deep enough that Eren could feel his throat closing on the head of his cock. The tight, wet heat which encompassed him felt so incredibly good Eren knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. He pulled on Jean’s hair to keep him still as his hips twitched forward accidentally, but Jean just took it in his stride, letting his throat and jaw go slack and shooting Eren a heated look through heavy eyelids. _Was he inviting Eren to fuck his mouth?_ The thought alone made sparks of arousal run settle in his stomach. 

Hesitantly, Eren pushed his hips forward, then back, savouring the feel of his cock dragging hot and heavy over Jean’s tongue. When Jean moaned, he picked up the pace, shivering at the vibrations of Jean’s moan on his cock. 

“Ah! I’m gonna-” He broke off as Jean snapped to attention and sealed his lips around Eren’s cock, sucking and taking him deep just as Eren came, snapping his hips forward and moaning loudly. His orgasm seemed to go on forever as Jean moaned around his cock, swallowing as Eren came in his mouth. Eventually, Eren pushed his head away, his cock too sensitive for Jean’s continued attention to it. He slumped back against the sheets, breathing hard. He felt unbelievably blissed out. Like he’d just been struck by a semi made of fucking, clouds or something. Eren wasn’t feeling too poetic - his brain seemed to have melted and was currently running out of his ears.

Fuck, he’d just fucked Jean fucking Kirschtein’s face. He’d just fucking came in Jean fucking Kirschtein’s mouth. David Bowie had really not set him up for this.

Dimly, he registered Jean heaving himself up next to him on the bed. There was the unmistakeable sound of a zipper being pulled, and suddenly Eren wasn’t so tired anymore.

“Wait, let me.” He said abruptly, propping himself up against the wall and grabbing Jean’s wrist as his hand moved to the waistband of his underwear. Jean gave him a slightly surprised look, then smirked mockingly, spreading his hands out by his side.

“Alright, go on.” He said in a husky voice, shuffling to kneel between Eren’s open legs. Eren tore his eyes away from Jean’s face to focus on the noticeable bulge in the front of his underwear. He was struck by the realization that he had absolutely no fucking clue what to do. Desperately, he glanced back up at Jean, who laughed at him. “Want me to start you off?” He asked teasingly, before pushing the waistband of his underwear far enough that Eren could see his dark pubes and the base of his cock. So Jean dyed his hair, go figure.

“Do you want to touch me?” Jean said deliberately, thumb hooked in the waistband of his pants and eyes heavy and dark on Eren. Eren nodded dumbly, and sat himself up a little straighter before reaching out to cup Jean’s hard cock through the fabric. Jean made a low noise in the back of his throat as Eren squeezed his cock, and sat back on his haunches, hips angled upwards towards Eren’s hand.

Eren gulped. He was such a fucking virgin. _Just pretend that it’s your dick,_ he thought to himself as he pushed Jean’s underwear further down and pulled his cock out. “Oh.” He muttered as he took Jean’s cock into his hand and stared at it. Jean sniggered.

“I’m not getting any fuckin’ younger, Jaeger.” Jean said teasingly, but his voice hitched as Eren squeezed the base of his cock to shut him up. Smug asshole. Just because his cock was bigger than Eren’s. 

Eren settled into a steady pace of pumping his hand over Jean’s cock, tight and slow - just as Jean was instructing him in a low voice between rough moans. It turned out that Jean was super vocal when it came to sex, which actually didn’t surprise Eren that much. His voice was so attractive that it’d be a shame if he wasn’t, really.

“Yeah, _fuck_ , just like that.” Jean murmured, his head hanging heavy on his shoulders and hands fisted in the shoulders of Eren’s shirt. Eren was surprised out of his rhythm when Jean tugged him close to plant a heated kiss on his lips, his tongue sliding wetly over the seam of Eren’s lips until he opened them in a surprised gasp and Jean surged forward. He was gripping Eren’s jaw, hard, tipping his head up to kiss him aggressively. Eren moaned into his mouth, his hand beginning to move on Jean’s cock again, making Jean whine and twitch his hips up into Eren’s fist.

Jean was still kissing Eren, all biting and clashing teeth, when he came, hot and messy over Eren’s hand. Jean groaned once, a sharp, bit-off sound that he muffled in Eren’s shoulder. His hips jerked once, twice, fucking Eren’s fist, before collapsing against him with a wince. 

Eren wiped his hand on the sheets, fairly certain that it wasn’t the worst thing which had gotten on them, and patted Jean’s thigh uncomfortably. What on earth was the correct post-orgasm etiquette between two guys? Did they fist bump and ‘no homo’ it out, or was Eren allowed to rest his face against Jean’s chest and breathe in the smell of turpentine and cigarette smoke? Judging by the way Jean was getting all up in his neck, all cuddly and soft and warm, Eren guessed there wasn’t going to be any fist bumping. Jean was surprisingly receptive post-orgasm. 

“That was-”

Jean made a hushing noise against his skin. “Shut up.”

Eren made an affronted noise but let himself relax a little. The room was warm and Jean was breathing obnoxiously loud in his ear. Eren wanted a cigarette, but he felt too drowsy to even try to shift Jean’s warm weight off of him.

He closed his eyes for a moment, and the next thing Eren knew a shaft of sunlight was blinding him and Connie was yelling in his ear.

“Good morning sunshine!”

“Fuck!” Eren yelled in surprise as he got a pointy elbow to the gut and knocked his head against the wall he’d inexplicably fallen asleep against. “Wh-?” He broke off as he took in the scene around him. Jean lying on his back and groaning, shielding his face from the chink of light that came from the open basement door, jeans unbuttoned and hair mussed. Eren, he realised with growing horror, didn’t look much better. He ran his hand through his unruly hair, trying to flatten it out whilst glaring acidly at Connie, who was practically cackling with laughter.

“I cannot fucking believe you fucked my fucking brother!” He cried, doubling over as he laughed breathlessly.

“He only gave me a hand job, you fuck!” Jean yelled back, reaching out a leg to kick at Connie, who dodged it effectively.

Eren felt like his head was going to come off from embarrassment. “Shut the fuck up, Connie.” He muttered venomously, lifting his hips up off the bed to button his trousers back up. “Jesus. I’m fuckin’ out of here.” Ears burning, he shoved Jean’s legs off of him and stood up shakily. Connie was still almost crying with laughter.

“I fuckin’ knew it!” He crowed, his voice following Eren as he stomped up the stairs to the basement, squinting against the bright light of day.

“Stupid, you’re an idiot.” He muttered to himself, trying to get the memory of Jean’s hands out of his mind. What was he _thinking_? Why the fuck did he hook up with his hopeless high school crush? Like Jean would even be interested him as anything more than a way to pass a boring Friday night. “You’re a tool, Jaeger.” 

He didn’t slam the front door behind him, because he didn’t want to wake Jean and Connie’s mum up - Eren wasn’t really in the mood to be murdered to death in the street at 11am. He was halfway down the drive to the relative safety of his crummy car when he heard a shout behind him.

“Hey, Eren! Wait up!”

Eren rolled his eyes, but stopped anyway because he was sucker like that. Jean was standing a foot away from him, squinting like he hadn’t seen sunlight for a few days which, actually, he probably hadn’t. Eren crossed his arms over his chest and gave Jean a venomous look.

“What.” It could probably have sounded colder, but Jean was wearing a very stretched out t-shirt that hung off his frame, and Eren was only human after all. Jean had really nice collarbones.

“Whoa, what’s crawled up your ass, princess?” Jean asked easily, smirking at Eren. Eren gave him a look of disbelief.

“Are you fucking-” He stopped himself and schooled his anger. _Just like your therapist taught you, Jaeger._ “Jean. I’m going home now. Nice meeting you.” He turned sharply on his heel towards his car, but was pulled up short by Jean’s hand on his shoulder. He hadn’t had a chance to admire Jean’s hands last night, but goddamn, they were nice hands. Artistic looking - wide palms and gangly fingers with large knuckles. Eren remembered how they felt on his cock and forced himself not to flush.

“Okay, Eren, sorry.” Jean ducked his head and rubbed his hand over the short strands of hair of his undercut. “I dunno if you’re mad over Connie barging in or what…” He trailed off, shrugging.

Eren rolled his eyes. “I don’t care about that.” Except that he kind of did, but whatever, Connie would have found out anyway. “I just wasn’t appreciating being used for a bit of light entertainment last night.”

Jean actually had the grace to look abashed. “Okay, I understand how you got that impression-”

“Yeah, because you’ve never even spoken to me before.” Eren interrupted, feeling childish.

“-But I’ve honestly wanted to talk to you for a while.” Jean ploughed on, looking embarrassed. “Even though you’re my idiot brother’s jailbait friend.” He added, almost as an afterthought. Eren bristled, but kept quiet. “So I mean, like. Last night wasn’t just a one off, okay?”

Eren felt his heart thud weirdly at that, and offered Jean a nervous smile. “Alright. Cool.”

Jean gave him a thoroughly unimpressed look. “That’s all you’ve got to say? I’m a very eligible bachelor, Jaeger-”

“Christ, I’m sorry, am I supposed to fall at your feet crying about your acceptance?” Eren snapped, but there wasn’t any bite to his words. He was too busy trying to control the grin on his face.

The corners of Jean’s mouth twitched. “I liked you better when you were trying to impress me.”

The stood there in silence for a moment, sizing each other up. Jean tugged his t-shirt back over his collarbones, only to have the over-large neck hole to slip back over his shoulder again. Eren shuffled his feet and tried to look attractive. Jean broke the silence.

“So do you want to come round and play MarioKart or something tomorrow?” Jean asked, then hurriedly tacked on “without Connie.” Eren tried to school his smile into something less horrifyingly dorky, and nodded.

“Yeah, sounds good.” He said, and laughed in surprise when Jean’s hand shot out to close on his wrist and tug him closer.

“A little something for you to think about.” He murmured, before kissing Eren with as much intensity as last night. Eren curled his hands in Jean’s t-shirt and silently thanked whatever God was listening.

\------------

The first thing Eren did when he got home later, after kissing Jean on his front garden for about ten minutes, was march straight up to his room and drop to his knees in front of his poster of David Bowie.

“God bless you, Ziggy Stardust.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is really stupid AND also the first jean/eren fic i've ever written so like. sorry about this.
> 
> idk i really like the idea of super weird gross art student jean. and age differences. and awkwardly chunky virgin eren. WHO CARES. i don't care. i care a lot i hope u enjoyed this stupid fic.
> 
> also suspend disbelief that connie and jean are related. maybe jean's adopted and that's why he wallows in his room so much. wait, i'm making myself sad BYE
> 
> also don't try to tell me eren wouldn't have some dorky username like jaegerbomb it's probably the only enjoyment he gets out of that goddamn name


End file.
